Thursday 22 July 2010

Feeling great about feeling pathetic and devestated

Tuesday night was Meisner night again and we kicked it off with some repetition before going into our last scripted scene work for a few weeks. I had a great class. I came in tired and worn out, ready to go to sleep. During repetition I felt thoroughly ganged up on, like a pathetic little 13 year old who is being bullied and had no idea how to get out of the situation. And to top it off during scene work I felt shocked, scared, and devastated, with the weight of enormous loss crushing me. It was AWESOME!

What the ...? No, I haven't gone off my rocker. I was just completely in the moment, truly living someone else's life for a bit. During rep that happened to be that 13 year old that I still carry around with me from time to time. She said, or better wailed a snot nosed 'Hello!' for a moment and then was gone in a splash when I realised how absolutely pathetic I felt. It was great relief because while it was quite an amazing experience to go back to a place of yesteryears, I am very grateful that I have long since moved on from it.

My other life on Tuesday night was that of Clarissa from 'The Hours' in the moments that Richard, her best friend and the love of her life, her only true love, is telling her that he is sick and tired of being sick and tired, and that she needs to let him go now, before jumping out of a window. What a privilege it was to experience her heartbreak, the heartbreak of seeing a loved one suffer from a devastating disease, dying a slow and painful death of the body and the mind. How amazing it was to see through her eyes how great love can become great loss in the blink of an eye. How humbling it was to have lived truthfully under these imaginary circumstance that are a reality for so many people.

Thank you, Terry, for living this moment with me and thank you Barbara and my Meisner buddies for sharing this moment with us. I love acting and here is why!

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