Thursday, 10 March 2011

The slow and winding road

I know I have been a very bad blogger this year. It's not that I don't want to blog but when there is literally nothing happing in my actor life, I just don't have that much to say. This is a blog about an actor's journey after all.

I did get to go on a wonderful and much needed short trip with my mum, who I see about once a year since she lives about as far away as it gets. I got to visit wonderboy's other grandparents and got to explore this wonderful country with two of my favourite people in the entire world. Escaping the domesticity, Wellington and the daily grind was bliss!

Otherwise, the past two months have been tough and slow and unnerving and mind-numbingly paralysing as far as being an actor is concerned.
I have been tied down by family and work commitments, acting and/or other classes are so not in the budget this year (not that I had time for them anyway), the audition circuit has been super slow (=non-existent) and there has been nothing new from my agency either. Off late I have not even had the time to do anything for my acting career that doesn't involve money because, well, the day's only got 24 hours.

To say that I have been frustrated and on the brink of giving up altogether is an understatement. But you know what, giving up because life gets in the way of what you want is an entirely stupid idea. Maybe all this is about testing my patience and my willingness to persevere.

So, here I am, still not sure what to do to make more time to create an acting future for myself but at least I don't feel like I am dragging three tons of dead weight with me any more because yesterday I got to do some acting! For the first time this year I have said to hell with the budget and to hell with getting other things done, I need to ACT. So, yesterday I finally enlisted the help of my amazing friend and teacher Barbara and filmed those audition scenes I have been meaning to film since about my last acting-related blog post. 

It felt simply glorious!

Today, I edited the videos and sent them off to an agent who has offered to take a look at my work and provide some feedback and guidance. It's a small step but it's a step.

So, sometimes when you feel like life is getting too much and it royally sucks that you're not getting your way even a little bit, you have got to claw your way back into control. Even if it is just for an hour on a Thursday afternoon. Because for that hour nothing else matters but that you are there, in the moment, working and doing what you love. And there it is, something to be grateful for, something to remind you off all the other things in your life that you love and appreciate and should really thank the universe for every day.

My friend said something very wise to me yesterday. Even when you feel powerless to change the current circumstances of your life, you at least have the power to stop feeling shit about it. So, here's what I'm gonna do, today is a new day and I'm going to stop feeling bad about all the things that I can't control. I shall have faith that I am where I am for a reason, that the universe is my infinite supply, that wonderful things will happen under the grace of the universe and that I will recognise and appreciate even the smallest of them.

It's a slow and winding road, so kia kaha everyone!

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