Monday, 13 February 2012

2012

Over the past few months I have felt a great resistance against writing this blog. In fact, I have started this first post of the year several times and abandoned it every time.

I must admit that I just got bored with writing about myself, and frankly about this whole acting journey. It's emotionally exhausting as it is and for a while now, writing about it brought the roller-coasterness in particularly sharp focus.

I'm at a point, very early on in this acting career, where the highs are great, sometimes even exhilarating but not particularly 'amazing', regular or even showing that I'm on the right track - meaning up if ever so slowly. The lows, oh the lows, they are probably just as low as for anyone else in the entertainment industry.


So, even though the last few months have actually been really good, I've been dreading sitting down to write about my acting life. Maybe, I am really just afraid to jinx things. Maybe, I'm just afraid to have to eventually write about the next low again. I don't know but blogging just didn't feel right.
The last months of 2011 were hard, with my partner away for weeks at a time on location and my being a straw-solo parent, working essentially full-time and still trying to find time to also be an actress, and oh yes, keep my sanity!

Despite all this, I have actually had more acting successes that I dared to dream of after 2011's very slow start. I booked my first paid speaking role, an industrial, off the only audition through my agency I had all year. The experience was kind of surreal. Everyone on set was extra nice and complimentary and very happy with my performance. I discovered that lo and behold, there might be a comedic streak in me somewhere, and I had an absolute blast. I also booked a small part in another short film, and had my first hosting gig.
But all of last year I have had this nagging feeling that I want to do more, create more opportunities for myself. My involvement with the NZ Actor's Guild has been a fantastic learning experience and has often been eye-opening regarding politics, the industry, and creativity in general. I love working for the Guild and for our members and am going to continue this work in 2012.

While the Guild has been fantastic in terms of creating opportunities, I've also really wanted to start writing - not just in blog-form but through fiction. I was craving another creative outlet besides acting. Towards the end of last year, I finally got over this insane belief that I don't have anything to say, that there are no stories in me. I actually sat down and wrote a children's picture book for my son, which I want to develop with a couple of friends' of mine who can actually draw. It was such fun to write this little book!

Still, I wanted more. I wanted to write for myself. I just had no idea what.

Then I came across two very awesome books: 'The War of Art: Winning the Inner Creative Battle' by Steven Pressfield has helped me recognise my self-sabotage and procrastination issues, and has given me tools to fight them, better yet tools to make me sit down and actually push forwards and create.

Ages ago I had also bought 'The Screen Writer's Bible' by David Trottier. When I finally sat down and read it, I realised that I am perfectly capable of having an idea, of putting it on paper and developing it into a story. Shocker! I am almost 30 pages into my first film script. It's fun, and challenging, and really really exciting! My writing pace is slow and I have no idea when I will finish the first draft but I am determined to finish not only that first draft but to turn my initial idea into a script with real potential. And you know what the best thing it? I don't even care if anyone will ever even read it! I am truly writing this for myself because I want to, because it excites me, and because I am having a blast. It feels good to have something creatively satisfying to do when my acting career is stagnating.

This script alone has given me a great start into the new year creatively. However, I was also very lucky to have already worked on my first short film of 2012 and am looking forward to helping out my immensely talented friend Chaz Harris behind the camera with his latest short film project, Broken Glass, later this year. (Check out their funding page here!)


After a long break over the holidays and a busy Jan/Feb, I am also finally starting with my coaching sessions again. I can't wait! I've had new head shots taken and have long list of actory things to get done this year, including voice reels and hopefully also a show reel. To my utter surprise one of my short films has also made it onto IMDb and my lovely cast mate Thomas Rimmer put up an entry for me as well! Thomas didn't know about the whole stage name change, so I'm going to have to figure out a way to change that; it's on the list.

So, there are a lot of things to do for me this year professionally and creatively this year, as well as my survival job to contend with, and most importantly, my beautiful, amazing almost three-year-old son to raise. I don't know how often I will write on this blog. It's probably wise not to make any promises. But despite all my reluctance to write anything on here, I have also missed it. So, we'll see what 2012 will bring all around.

Belatedly but not less heart-felt on this day celebrating love: A very happy 2012 to you all! May it be a year of hard work and creative enlightenment for all of us.

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