I have been avoiding to check my foot for bullet holes since the audition because I don't really want to find any there. But as I said yesterday I might just have pointed my gun at the wrong target.
Having studied Meisner, the way I know to prepare emotionally usually
requires a bit of space and time for me before each scene. That's just
where I'm at right now, and one of the many reasons I need and want to
train if possible full time. So, before my second monologue I asked if
it was okay for me to go outside for a minute to prepare because Ophelia
was a bit harder to reach. 'Why do you think you need to do that?' I
was asked. So, I explained but said I would try to prepare in the room
if they wanted me to. Of course they did. So, I went to the back of the
studio, turned my back and took a moment - seconds, literally. It was
surprisingly easy. All those nerves that had built up but (thankfully)
not showed at all until that moment started to surface and like magic I
was able to transform them into just what I needed for Ophelia. It felt
But as I was to find out after we had finished working on Ophelia,
apparently I still took waaaay to long. Because 'Sweetheart, when you
audition for a big musical theatre or Broadway production, they would
ask you to leave the room.' Oh noooooo!!!!! Is what I thought but
managed to say thank you and that, well, there was a reason for me to
train at Toi.
Looking back on the audition now though what was probably worse than
this was my first feedback for Ophelia. The panel stopped my about two
thirds through the monologue and the head of acting (!!!) said to me,
'Now, I can see her emotions but at the moment you don't really make me
care.' (Oh CRAP!!!!!!!!!) At the time I thankfully stayed calm and just
thought 'Okay, lets work on this. I'll make you care!' So, Jonathon
picked a small part in the monologue and asked me to let Ophelia
discover new truths and possibilities about suicide, death and the
afterlife (purgatory anyone!). After the second go he seemed to be
satisfied, and I hope to the acting gods and goddesses happily,
positively so, and I was done (for now) with those wonderful pieces that
have filled my days and occupied my dreams for the past few months.
Done. Just like that.
The audition wasn't over of course. There were still the majority of
other hopefuls to go up. Frequently the panel or the person working
would ask for volunteers to work with. So, I got to be Gertrude and Gary
Harris of the New Zealand Royal Ballet Company (don't ask) and Caesar
lying dead on is funeral day. It was awesome. All I had to do was stand
still (or lie still) and really listen. I loved it and I hope the people
I was going up on stage for got something great out of me being there
The last part of the audition was the presentation of our songs. You
don't have to be an amazing vocalist to earn a place at the school but
you need to be able to tell a story truthfully when you sing. I sang a
song in my first language, German, which I sing to my son before he goes
to bed. It's about a magical night in which a colourless little fish
bathes in the moonlight and finally gets his silver coloured frock. I
put a lot of me in this song and it sounded like the panel really loved
it. Oh yeah, I ended my audition on a high note!!!!!
One of the main things the panel had asked from us for the whole
audition was to show them who we are. And they wanted us to be
courageous. If I succeeded in doing these two things, and I think I did,
I have done my job and done it well. Lets hope I have also done an
outstanding job and that they love who I am.
After the audition I felt a great peace wash over me. I felt wonderful.
I have done it and I have made myself proud! Regardless of whether I
have made it into the second round, I am happy with what I have
achieved, what I have learned and how I handled myself. I have no
Now, let the waiting game begin.
P.S.: All this writing about the audition has left me completely
befuddled now. Ahhhhhhh, I am so confused! Let me tell you, it is not
easy letting this one go! My head is spinning with questions. Will I
need a new foot? Did I make them care? I didn't get a comment about my
accent. Is that a good sign? Did they love me? Am I going to get a shot
at a place at Toi in round two? Am I ever going to audition on Broadway?
Did I really do my best?